Now she's just a religious obsessed person who is failing to sell books & merch that's not famous enough to promote and successfully sell.
I got that interview and I've been working at Taco Bell. I'm working at Sallys next in my future. I'm gonna graduate, go to fucking college, and get away from all this bullshit.
My abuser ( my older sister ) Mary told me I'd realize my ex-boyfriend was the reason we weren't talking, that he had to be behind it all.
Now that we're broken up, I know more that you can love people in your life so much but you don't have let your patience be taken as obedience. You don't have to accept lack of consideration, aggression, subconscious & conscious disrespect, someones disorder being reason for them to disrespect you, nor do you have accept the bare minimum just because you understand that person's circumstances.
You can be there for yourself and know when to go.
I realize that after, there's more effort from him to do the things he was too tired to do whenever we were together during this breakup, like just reading with me but that doesn't fix everything that happened. It doesn't fix the memories of everything else either.
Had a horrible emotional flashbacks last night after being okay for a little while and pausing taking my meds, all while Greyson was on the phone
I felt embarrassed and then exhausted. In the morning when I woke up, I just more exhausted and then embarrassed. My body feels sore from tensing up and I can still feel present nerves from how bad I was shaking.
Gonna watch "sorry, baby" because its about this girl who gets raped and deals with post traumatic stress. Maybe it won't make me feel so alone. I do have disorder its not just "post traumatic" and it makes me feel nauseous and like a creature.
I had a disgusting dream at that after I was finally able to fall asleep. I'm so tired. Just please everything needs to stop. I need someone to understand and help me out.
At 3, I have to go exchange my broken laptop for a new one, get greyson's gifts, and iron my clothes for my interview this Saturday and Monday.
This isn't the worst reality, I just feel present heart burn and like a little kid again, I feel like I'm parenting myself to get through this again. Fuck bro.
on t and got my license, now i just need a job
also to graduate....
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
took my first shot of testosterone over the phone with my boyfriend and cried, somewhat out of sadness
wanted to be able to share that moment with my parents, but that's not my reality today
That's okay
